Training Ladies-It's Hard Work!

 I have had the privilege of encouraging a newly married wife on how to control her emotional (and often sinful) actions and reactions to her husband. I was struck by her sincere desire to change and the frustration she felt over the futile results. I asked how she was tackling the problem. Through tear-filled eyes, she told me that she prayed everyday for God to grant her self-control. However, by the end of the day she had failed yet again. I told her while prayer was the starting and ending point of all of her efforts, it was in no way the only resource God had put at her disposal for change. In fact, I asked her what would happen if I decided to run the Montgomery half-marathon in October and all I did to prepare was pray! I can tell you, I would pass out! Running that marathon will require regular physical training. It will cost time, energy, emotion, and I will often have to fight against my feelings to persevere. I will need a training plan, accountability, and the right equipment. There would be good days and bad days in my training regime, but if I intended to run it I would have to train for it. What is true in the physical realm is also true in the spiritual realm: "Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:8). I am not minimizing the power of prayer, but as Christians we must recognize the work God has given us to do in the sanctification process. How did I encourage my friend to "train" in righteousness? The same way I encourage anyone needing a spiritual help: Pray and Work!


1. Have consistent time in the Word. Her ability to respect her husband and control her emotions is directly related to her intake of God's Word. She needs to give the Holy Spirit what He needs to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in her life.
2. Memorize relevant passages of Scripture. The Word will enable her to transform her mind through daily renewal. She will be able to take her thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ when her thoughts are His. This is also an excellent way to ensure she is praying according to God's will!
3. Journaling. I cannot overstate the importance of writing down struggles for the sake of working through them biblically.Change takes thought and time to "put off" old patterns of thinking and "put on" new ones. Journaling is the most effective tool I have seen to bring about change and to allow others to help and hold you accountable to change. Here are the initial questions I asked my friend to write down.
a. What were the circumstances that led to my (fill in the blank with an emotion like anger, disappointment, frustration,etc.)?
b. What did I say to myself when I became (_______)? This is very important! She must write it down just as she is thinking it each time. Put it in quotations! Don't cheat.
c. How does God want me to think about this circumstance? What is true about my circumstance and what is the TRUTH of God's Word concerning my situation? She must use Bible verses and pull from wisdom, knowledge and understanding about herself, her husband, and God.
4. Accountability. My friend needs to have several women who will pray for her and with her and help her love God and her husband the way the Bible prescribes. She needs other committed people who will help her sort through the distortion of her thinking. We all struggle with seeing ourselves accurately. The Body of Christ is meant to help us have a correct view and to help us change incorrect views.

These are foundational principles for "training in righteousness". What about you? Where are you struggling? Have you been content to ask God to do for you what He intends for you to do yourself (in His strength and with His wisdom)? If you are caught in any sinful pattern, don't stay spiritually unfit-start your work out now!